DISCLAIMER: Upower Coaching as publishers of this web-site do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric conditions. Any such action should only be taken either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.
Hello and Let's Get Powerful
I'm back from the other side of the world, over the jet lag and in front of the laptop. And believe me, that's no mean feat. I walked hundreds of miles, climbed thousands of steps, clambered over zillions of archaeological sites, partied every night ... and arrived home absolutely exhausted.
What was the effect for the first ten days? Weird dreams of being lost in strange places and one hideous nightmare about a woman locked in a bedroom with an anaconda. Freud no doubt would have his own interpretation but mine, I'm sure, is the right one. My laptop sits on my bedroom desk. That and the long cable attached to it was the snake tormenting me in the night.
Which brings me to my topic: FEAR. What is the acronym for it? False Evidence Appearing Real.
For days I dreaded the lap top as a source of irrational fear. I even tried hiding it from the chatterbox in my head who just wouldn't give me a break:"You're too old. You're not technology savvy. You can't contribute in the modern world because you can't master technology."
I was tired but I was also sabotaging myself. Hiding the laptop, making excuses ... I was avoiding the real issue, my fears of insufficiency, and trying to retreat to a safe little comfort zone.
Eventually I gave myself some choices. I could cave in, live cosily in the twentieth century without technology but what would I do when confronted with the next challenge from the twenty-first? I could indulge myself by saying I just can't handle all this progress or I could change my self-talk to: I can handle this opportunity to keep learning.
Fear does not go away. Every attempt you make to move ahead in life, to make change, to step out of your comfort zone is attended by fear, whether slight or large. Take heart; all healthy humans are the same.
The only way to overcome fear, as Susan Jeffers says in her marvelous book on the subject, is feel it and do the feared thing anyway. More importantly, it's the effect on self- esteem that taking action has. When you capitulate to fear your sub-conscious stores some insidious little messages, such as "weak", "helpless" and worst of all "victim", ever present to remind you in the future just how insufficient you are. When you blast through fear and take action your brain stores another message, "Powerful! – this person is to be admired".
Now let's be reasonable about this. I have no fear of flying but there's no way I will attempt sky-diving. Let's face it, if the plane is going down and the parachute is strapped to my back I'll jump. But I see no reason to jump unless I have to. The words I'd use to explain my lack of daring-do in this regard are not "I can't" but "I won't". By saying, "I can't" we imply no choice.
By saying, "I won't" we imply that there is choice and we have the power to decide.
The language of self-talk is critical in
overcoming fear, stepping out of a comfort zone and up to the next level. My constant reminder
to others is that anything is possible when
we tap into our potential. Fundamental to that potential is power over our perceptions of our world, how we interpret situations and respond to them, the language we use to interpret and respond and that negative chatterbox inside our heads who tries to tell us we're not good enough, tall enough, young enough and so on.
Of course, there's more to tapping into potential, but for now let's just stick with power and particularly powerful language in combating fear. Let's make the choice to get rid of words and expressions which limit potential. Here are some examples but you can add to the list: I can't, I should, it's not my fault, it's a problem, life's a struggle, I can't bear it, it's dreadful, I might make a mistake, they might say no. Now replace them with powerful substitutes: I won't, I could, I take responsibility, it's an opportunity for thinking outside the square, life's an adventure, I can handle it, it's a learning experience, I might gain something new, they might say yes.
Oh, and while you're at it, banish the "if onlys" too which simply reinforce feelings of total helplessness.
With heartfelt commitment to your success and happiness.